The History of John Bull
CHAPTER XX.

John Arbut

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The discourse that passed between Nic. Frog and Esquire South, which John Bull overheard.*

* Negotiations between the Emperor and the Dutch for continuing the war, and getting the property of Flanders.

John thought every minute a year till he got into Ecclesdown Castle; he repairs to the "Salutation" with a design to break the matter gently to his partners. Before he entered he overheard Nic. and the Esquire in a very pleasant conference.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Oh, the ingratitude and injustice of mankind! That John Bull, whom I have honoured with my friendship and protection so long, should flinch at last, and pretend that he can disburse no more money for me! that the family of the Souths, by his sneaking temper, should be kept out of their own!

NIC. FROG.--An't like your worship, I am in amaze at it; I think the rogue should be compelled to his duty.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--That he should prefer his scandalous pelf, the dust and dregs of the earth, to the prosperity and grandeur of my family!

NIC. FROG.--Nay, he is mistaken there, too; for he would quickly lick himself whole again by his vails. It's strange he should prefer Philip Baboon's custom to Esquire South's.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--As you say, that my clothier, that is to get so much by the purchase, should refuse to put me in possession; did you ever know any man's tradesman serve him so before?

NIC. FROG.--No, indeed, an't please your worship, it is a very unusual proceeding; and I would not have been guilty of it for the world. If your honour had not a great stock of moderation and patience, you would not bear it so well as you do.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--It is most intolerable, that's certain, Nic., and I will be revenged.

NIC. FROG.--Methinks it is strange that Philip Baboon's tenants do not all take your honour's part, considering how good and gentle a master you are.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--True, Nic., but few are sensible of merit in this world. It is a great comfort to have so faithful a friend as thyself in so critical a juncture.

NIC. FROG.--If all the world should forsake you, be assured Nic. Frog never will; let us stick to our point, and we'll manage Bull, I'll warrant ye.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Let me kiss thee, dear Nic.; I have found one honest man among a thousand at last.

NIC. FROG.--If it were possible, your honour has it in your power to wed me still closer to your interest.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Tell me quickly, dear Nic.

NIC. FROG.--You know I am your tenant; the difference between my lease and an inheritance is such a trifle as I am sure you will not grudge your poor friend. That will be an encouragement to go on; besides, it will make Bull as mad as the devil: you and I shall be able to manage him then to some purpose.

ESQUIRE SOUTH.--Say no more; it shall be done, Nic., to thy heart's content.

John all this while was listening to this comical dialogue, and laughed heartily in his sleeve at the pride and simplicity of the Esquire, and the sly roguery of his friend Nic. Then of a sudden bolting into the room, he began to tell them that he believed he had brought Lewis to reasonable terms, if they would please to hear them.

Then they all bawled out aloud, "No composition: long live Esquire South and the Law!" As John was going to proceed, some roared, some stamped with their feet, others stopped their ears with their fingers.

"Nay, gentlemen," quoth John, "if you will but stop proceeding for a while, you shall judge yourselves whether Lewis's proposals* are reasonable."

* Proposals for cessation of arms and delivery of Dunkirk.

ALL.--Very fine, indeed; stop proceeding, and so lose a term.

JOHN BULL.--Not so neither; we have something by way of advance: he will put us in possession of his Manor and Castle of Ecclesdown.

NIC. FROG.--What dost talk of us? thou meanest thyself.

JOHN BULL.--When Frog took possession of anything, it was always said to be for us, and why may not John Bull be us as well as Nic. Frog was us? I hope John Bull is no more confined to singularity than Nic. Frog; or, take it so, the constant doctrine that thou hast preached up for many years was that thou and I are one; and why must we be supposed two in this case, that were always one before? It's impossible that thou and I can fall out, Nic.; we must trust one another. I have trusted thee with a great many things--prithee trust me with this one trifle.

NIC. FROG.--That principle is true in the main, but there is some speciality in this case that makes it highly inconvenient for us both.

JOHN BULL.--Those are your jealousies, that the common enemies sow between us: how often hast thou warned me of those rogues, Nic., that would make us mistrustful of one another!

NIC. FROG.--This Ecclesdown Castle is only a bone of contention.

JOHN BULL.--It depends upon you to make it so; for my part, I am as peaceable as a lamb.

NIC. FROG.--But do you consider the unwholesomeness of the air and soil, the expenses of reparations and servants? I would scorn to accept of such a quagmire.

JOHN BULL.--You are a great man, Nic., but in my circumstances I must be e'en content to take it as it is.

NIC. FROG.--And you are really so silly as to believe the old cheating rogue will give it you?

JOHN BULL.--I believe nothing but matter of fact; I stand and fall by that. I am resolved to put him to it.

NIC. FROG.--And so relinquish the hopefullest cause in the world: a claim that will certainly in the end make thy fortune for ever.

JOHN BULL.--Wilt thou purchase it, Nic.? thou shalt have a lumping pennyworth; nay, rather than we should differ, I'll give thee something to take it off my hands.

NIC. FROG.--If thou wouldst but moderate that hasty, impatient temper of thine, thou shouldst quickly see a better thing than all that. What shouldst thou think to find old Lewis turned out of his paternal estates and mansion-house of Claypool?* Would not that do thy heart good, to see thy old friend, Nic. Frog, Lord of Claypool? Then thou and thy wife and children should walk in my gardens, buy toys, drink lemonade, and now and then we should have a country dance.

* Claypool, Paris--Lutetia.

JOHN BULL.--I love to be plain: I'd as lief see myself in Ecclesdown Castle as thee in Claypool. I tell you again, Lewis gives this as a pledge of his sincerity; if you won't stop proceeding to hear him, I will.

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