PISTHETAERUS Who would want paid servants after this? But tell me, who did the woodwork?
MESSENGER Birds again, and clever carpenters too, the pelicans, for they squared up the gates with their beaks in such a fashion that one would have thought they were using axes; the noise was just like a dockyard. Now the whole wall is tight everywhere, securely bolted and well guarded; it is patrolled, bell in hand; the sentinels stand everywhere and beacons burn on the towers. But I must run off to clean myself; the rest is your business.
CHORUS Well! what do you say to it? Are you not astonished at the wall being completed so quickly?
PISTHETAERUS By the gods, yes, and with good reason. 'Tis really not to be believed. But here comes another messenger from the wall to bring us some further news! What a fighting look he has!
SECOND MESSENGER Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh!
PISTHETAERUS What's the matter?
SECOND MESSENGER A horrible outrage has occurred; a god sent by Zeus has passed through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without the knowledge of the jays, who are on guard in the daytime.
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis an unworthy and criminal deed. What god was it?
SECOND MESSENGER We don't know that. All we know is, that he has got wings.
PISTHETAERUS Why were not guards sent against him at once?
SECOND MESSENGER We have d(i)spatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion of Mounted Archers.(1) All the hook-clawed birds are moving against him, the kestrel, the buzzard, the vulture, the great-horned owl; they cleave the air, so that it resounds with the flapping of their wings; they are looking everywhere for the god, who cannot be far away; indeed, if I mistake not, he is coming from yonder side.
f(1) A corps of Athenian cavalry was so named.
PISTHETAERUS All arm themselves with slings and bows! This way, all our soldiers; shoot and strike! Some one give me a sling!
CHORUS War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods! Come, let each one guard Air, the son of Erebus,(1) in which the clouds float. Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge. Scan all sides with your glance. Hark! methinks I can hear the rustle of the swift wings of a god from heaven.
f(1) Chaos, Night, Tartarus, and Erebus alone existed in the beginning; Eros was born from Night and Erebus, and he wedded Chaos and begot Earth, Air, and Heaven; so runs the fable.
PISTHETAERUS Hi! you woman! where are you flying to? Halt, don't stir! keep motionless! not a beat of your wing!—Who are you and from what country? You must say whence you come.(1)
f(1) Iris appears from the top of the stage and arrests her flight in mid-career.
IRIS I come from the abode of the Olympian gods.
PISTHETAERUS What's your name, ship or cap?(1)
f(1) Ship, because of her wings, which resemble oars; cap, because she no doubt wore the head-dress (as a messenger of the gods) with which Hermes is generally depicted.
IRIS I am swift Iris.
PISTHETAERUS Paralus or Salaminia?(1)
f(1) The names of the two sacred galleys which carried Athenian officials on State business.
IRIS What do you mean?
PISTHETAERUS Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.(1)
f(1) A buzzard is named in order to raise a laugh, the Greek name also meaning, etymologically, provided with three testicles, vigorous in love.
IRIS Seize me! But what do all these insults mean?
PISTHETAERUS Woe to you!
IRIS 'Tis incomprehensible.
PISTHETAERUS By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched woman?
IRIS By which gate? Why, great gods, I don't know.
PISTHETAERUS You hear how she holds us in derision. Did you present yourself to the officers in command of the jays? You don't answer. Have you a permit, bearing the seal of the storks?
IRIS Am I awake?
PISTHETAERUS Did you get one?
IRIS Are you mad?
PISTHETAERUS No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct?
IRIS A safe-conduct to me, you poor fool!
PISTHETAERUS Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into these realms of air-land that don't belong to you.
IRIS And what other r can the gods travel?
PISTHETAERUS By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I. But they won't pass this way. And you still dare to complain! Why, if you were treated according to your deserts, no Iris would ever have more justly suffered death.
IRIS I am immortal.
PISTHETAERUS You would have died nevertheless.—Oh! 'twould be truly intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit to the law of the strongest in their due turn? But tell me, where are you flying to?
IRIS I? The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets with the rich smoke of burning fat.
PISTHETAERUS Of which gods are you speaking?
IRIS Of which? Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven.
PISTHETAERUS You, gods?
IRIS Are there others then?
PISTHETAERUS Men now adore the birds as gods, and 'tis to them, by Zeus, that they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all!
IRIS Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for 'tis terrible indeed. Armed with the brand of Zeus, Justice would annihilate your race; the lightning would strike you as it did Licymnius and consume both your body and the porticos of your palace.(1)
f(1) Iris' reply is a parody of the tragic style.—'Lycimnius' is, according to the scholiast, the title of a tragedy by Euripides, which is about a ship that is struck by lightning.
PISTHETAERUS Here! that's enough tall talk. Just you listen and keep quiet! Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian(1) and think to frighten me with your big words? Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I shall go at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and reduce his dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders.(2) I shall send more than six hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins(3) up to heaven against him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to do. As for you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by stretching your legs asunder, and so conduct myself, Iris though you be, that despite my age, you will be astonished. I will show you something that will make you three times over.
f(1) i.e. for a poltroon, like the slaves, most of whom came to Athens from these countries.
f(2) A parody of a passage in the lost tragedy of 'Niobe' of Aeschylus.
f(3) Because this bird has a spotted plumage.—Porphyrion is also the name of one of the Titans who tried to storm heave.
IRIS May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words!
PISTHETAERUS Won't you be off quickly? Come, stretch your wings or look out for squalls!
IRIS If my father does not punish you for your insults...
PISTHETAERUS Ha!... but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk than us with your lightning.
CHORUS We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city and the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this r
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has never returned.
HERALD Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very gracious, thrice happy, very... Come, prompt me, somebody, do.
PISTHETAERUS Get to your story!
HERALD All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they award you this golden crown.
PISTHETAERUS I accept it. But tell me, why do the people admire me?
HERALD Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn with desire to dwell in it. Before your city was built, all men had a mania for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honour, men went dirty like Socrates and carried staves. Now all is changed. Firstly, as soon as 'tis dawn, they all spring out of bed together to go and seek their food, the same as you do; then they fly off towards the notices and finally devour the decrees. The bird-madness is so clear, that many actually bear the names of birds. There is a halting victualler, who styles himself the partridge; Menippus calls himself the swallow; Opuntius the one-eyed crow; Philocles the lark; Theogenes the fox-goose; Lycurgus the ibis; Chaerephon the bat; Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail;(1) indeed he looks like a quail that has been hit hard over the head. Out of love for the birds they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow, the teal, the goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all events a few feathers. This is what is happening down there. Finally, there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth to ask you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself with wings for the immigrants.
f(1) All these surnames bore some relation to the character or the build of the individual to whom the poet applies them.—Chaerephon, Socrates' disciple, was of white and ashen hue.—Opuntius was one-eyed.—Syracosius was a braggart.—Midias had a passion for quail-fights, and, besides, resembled that bird physically.
PISTHETAERUS Ah! by Zeus, 'tis not the time for idling. Go as quick as possible and fill every hamper, every basket you can find with wings. Manes(1) will bring them to me outside the walls, where I will welcome those who present themselves.
f(1) Pisthetaerus' servant, already mentioned.
CHORUS This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men.
PISTHETAERUS If fortune favours us.
CHORUS Folk are more and more delighted with it.
PISTHETAERUS Come, hurry up and bring them along.
CHORUS Will not man find here everything that can please him—wisdom, love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace?
PISTHETAERUS Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?
CHORUS Let a basket of wings be brought speedily. Come, beat him as I do, and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass.
PISTHETAERUS Aye, Manes is a great craven.
CHORUS Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in three parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the prophetic(1) and the aquatic birds; then you must take care to distribute them to the men according to their character.
f(1) From the inspection of which auguries were taken, e.g. the eagles, the vultures, the crows.
PISTHETAERUS (TO MANES) Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off you no longer; you are too slow and lazy altogether.
A PARRICIDE(1) Oh! might I but become an eagle, who soars in the skies! Oh! might I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea!(2)
f(1) Or rather, a young man who contemplated parricide.
f(2) A parody of verses in Sophocles 'Oenomaus.'
PISTHETAERUS Ha! 'twould seem the news was true; I hear someone coming who talks of wings.
PARRICIDE Nothing is more charming than to fly; I burn with desire to live under the same laws as the birds; I am bird-mad and fly towards you, for I want to live with you and to obey your laws.
PISTHETAERUS Which laws? The birds have many laws.
PARRICIDE All of them; but the one that pleases me most is, that among the birds it is considered a fine thing to peck and strangle one's father.
PISTHETAERUS Aye, by Zeus! according to us, he who dares to strike his father, while still a chick, is a brave fellow.
PARRICIDE And therefore I want to dwell here, for I want to strangle my father and inherit his wealth.
PISTHETAERUS But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the storks, which runs thus, "When the stork father has reared his young and has taught them to fly, the young must in their turn support the father."
PARRICIDE 'Tis hardly worth while coming all this distance to be compelled to keep my father!
PISTHETAERUS No, no, young friend, since you have come to us with such willingness, I am going to give you these black wings, as though you were an orphan bird; furthermore, some good advice, that I received myself in infancy. Don't strike your father, but take these wings in one hand and these spurs in the other; imagine you have a cock's crest on your head and go and mount guard and fight; live on your pay and respect your father's life. You're a gallant fellow! Very well, then! Fly to Thrace and fight.(1)
f(1) The Athenians were then besieging Amphipolis in the Thracian Chalcidice.
PARRICIDE By Bacchus! 'Tis well spoken; I will follow your counsel.
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis acting wisely, by Zeus.
CINESIAS(1) "On my light pinions I soar off to Olympus; in its capricious flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in turn..."
f(1) There was a real Cinesias—a dythyrambic poet born at Thebes.
PISTHETAERUS This is a fellow will need a whole shiplof wings.
CINESIAS (singing) "...and being fearless and vigorous, it is seeking fresh outlet."
PISTHETAERUS Welcome, Cinesias, you lime-wood man!(1) Why have you come here a-twisting your game leg in circles?
f(1) The scholiast thinks that Cinesias, who was tall and slight of build, wore a kind of corset of lime-wood to support his waist—surely rather a far-fetched interpretation!
CINESIAS "I want to become a bird, a tuneful nightingale."
PISTHETAERUS Enough of that sort of ditty. Tell me what you want.
CINESIAS Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs to gather fresh songs in the clouds, in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy snow.
PISTHETAERUS Gather songs in the clouds?
CINESIAS 'Tis on them the whole of our latter-day art depends. The most brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in void space and are clothed in mist and dense obscurity. To appreciate this, just listen.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! no, no, no!
CINESIAS By Hermes! but indeed you shall. "I shall travel through thine ethereal empire like a winged bird, who cleaveth space with his long neck..."
PISTHETAERUS Stop! easy all, I say!(1)
f(1) The Greek word used here was the word of command employed to stop the rowers.
CINESIAS "...as I soar over the seas, carried by the breath of the winds..."
PISTHETAERUS By Zeus! but I'll cut your breath short.
CINESIAS "...now rushing along the tracks of Notus, now nearing Boreas across the infinite wastes of the ether." (PISTHETAERUS BEATS HIM.) Ah! old man, that's a pretty and clever idea truly!
PISTHETAERUS What! are you not delighted to be cleaving the air?(1)
f(1) Cinesias makes a bound each time that Pisthetaerus strikes him.
CINESIAS To treat a dithyrambic poet, for whom the tribes dispute with each other, in this style!(1)
f(1) The tribes of Athens, or rather the rich citizens belonging to them, were wont on feast-days to give representations of dithyrambic choruses as well as of tragedies and comedies.
PISTHETAERUS Will you stay with us and form a chorus of winged birds as slender as Leotrophides(1) for the Cecropid tribe?
f(1) Another dithyrambic poet, a man of extreme leanness.
CINESIAS You are making game of me, 'tis clear; but know that I shall never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith to traverse the air.
AN INFORMER What are these birds with downy feathers, who look so pitiable to me? Tell me, oh swallow with the long dappled wings.(1)
f(1) A parody of a hemistich from 'Alcaeus.'—The informer is dissatisfied at only seeing birds of sombre plumage and poor appearance. He would have preferred to denounce the rich.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! but 'tis a regular invasion that threatens us. Here comes another of them, humming along.
INFORMER Swallow with the long dappled wings, once more I summon you.
PISTHETAERUS It's his cloak I believe he's addressing; 'faith, it stands in great need of the swallows' return.(1)
f(1) The informer, says the scholiast, was clothed with a ragged cloak, the tatters of which hung down like wings, in fact, a cloak that could not protect him from the cold and must have made him long for the swallows' return, i.e. the spring.
INFORMER Where is he who gives out wings to all comers?
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis I, but you must tell me for what purpose you want them.
INFORMER Ask no questions. I want wings, and wings I must have.
PISTHETAERUS Do you want to fly straight to Pellene?(1)
f(1) A town in Achaia, where woollen cloaks were made.
INFORMER I? Why, I am an accuser of the islands,(1) an informer...
f(1) His trade was to accuse the rich citizens of the subject islands, and drag them before the Athenian court; he explains later the special advantages of this branch of the informer's business.
PISTHETAERUS A fine trade, truly!
INFORMER ...a hatcher of lawsuits. Hence I have great need of wings to prowl round the cities and drag them before justice.
PISTHETAERUS Would you do this better if you had wings?
INFORMER No, but I should no longer fear the pirates; I should return with the cranes, ld with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast.
PISTHETAERUS So it seems, despite all your youthful vigour, you make it your trade to denounce strangers?
INFORMER Well, and why not? I don't know how to dig.
PISTHETAERUS But, by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at your age without all this infamous trickery.
INFORMER My friend, I am asking you for wings, not for words.
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis just my words that give you wings.
INFORMER And how can you give a man wings with your words?
PISTHETAERUS 'Tis thus that all first start.
INFORMER All?
PISTHETAERUS Have you not often heard the father say to young men in the barbers' shops, "It's astonishing how Diitrephes' advice has made my son fly to horse-riding."—"Mine," says another, "has flown towards tragic poetry on the wings of his imagination."
INFORMER So that words give wings?
PISTHETAERUS Undoubtedly; words give wings to the mind and make a man soar to heaven. Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings to fly to some less degrading trade.
INFORMER But I do not want to.
PISTHETAERUS What do you reckon on doing then?
INFORMER I won't belie my breeding; from generation to generation we have lived by informing. Quick, therefore, give me quickly some light, swift hawk or kestrel wings, so that I may summon the islanders, sustain the accusation here, and haste back there again on flying pinions.
PISTHETAERUS I see. In this way the stranger will be condemned even before he appears.
INFORMER That's just it.
PISTHETAERUS And while he is on his way here by sea, you will be flying to the islands to despoil him of his property.
INFORMER You've hit it, precisely; I must whirl hither and thither like a perfect humming-top.
PISTHETAERUS I catch the idea. Wait, i' faith, I've got some fine Corcyraean wings.(1) How do you like them?
f(1) That is, whips—Corcyra being famous for these articles.
INFORMER Oh! woe is me! Why, 'tis a whip!
PISTHETAERUS No, no; these are the wings, I tell you, that set the top a-spinning.
INFORMER Oh! oh! oh!
PISTHETAERUS Take your flight, clear off, you miserable cur, or you will soon see what comes of quibbling and lying. Come, let us gather up our wings and withdraw.
CHORUS In my ethereal flights I have seen many things new and strange and wondrous beyond belief. There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging to an unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is as tall as it is cowardly. In springtime it shoots forth calumnies instead of buds and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in place of leaves.(1)
Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever enters, there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes and dwell with them always—save always in the evening. Should any mortal meet the hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and covered with blows from head to foot.(2)
f(1) Cleonymous is a standing butt of Aristophanes' wit, both as an informer and a notorious poltroon.
f(2) In allusion to the cave of the bandit Orestes; the poet terms him a hero only because of his heroic name Orestes.
PROMETHEUS Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is Pisthetaerus?
PISTHETAERUS Ha! what is this? A masked man!
PROMETHEUS Can you see any god behind me?
PISTHETAERUS No, none. But who are you, pray?
PROMETHEUS What's the time, please?
PISTHETAERUS The time? Why, it's past noon. Who are you?
PROMETHEUS Is it the fall of day? Is it no later than that?(1)
f(1) Prometheus wants night to come and so reduce the risk of being seen from Olympus.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! 'pon my word! but you grow tiresome.
PROMETHEUS What is Zeus doing? Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering them?(1)
f(1) The clouds would prevent Zeus seeing what was happening below him.
PISTHETAERUS Take care, lest I lose all patience.
PROMETHEUS Come, I will raise my mask.
PISTHETAERUS Ah! my dear Prometheus!
PROMETHEUS Stop! stop! speak lower!
PISTHETAERUS Why, what's the matter, Prometheus?
PROMETHEUS H'sh! h'sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if Zeus should see me here. But, if you want me to tell you how things are going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods don't see me.
PISTHETAERUS I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick. Come, quick then, and fear nothing; speak on.
PROMETHEUS Then listen.
PISTHETAERUS I am listening, proceed!
PROMETHEUS It's all over with Zeus.
PISTHETAERUS Ah! and since when, pray?
PROMETHEUS Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man who now sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us. Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were the festival of Demeter.(1) The barbarian gods, who are dying of hunger, are bawling like Illyrians(2) and threaten to make an armed descent upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the victims are sold.
f(1) The third day of the festival of Demeter was a fast.
f(2) A semi-savage people, addicted to violence and brigandage.
PISTHETAERUS What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who dwell above Olympus?
PROMETHEUS If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of Execestides?(1)
f(1) Who, being reputed a stranger despite his pretension to the title of a citizen, could only have a strange god for his patron or tutelary deity.
PISTHETAERUS And what is the name of these gods?
PROMETHEUS Their name? Why, the Triballi.(1)
f(1) The Triballi were a Thracian people; it was a term commonly used in Athens to describe coarse men, obscene debauchees and greedy parasites.
PISTHETAERUS Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word 'tribulation.'(1)
f(1) There is a similar pun in the Greek.
PROMETHEUS Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain, namely, that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies here to sue for peace. Now don't you treat, unless Zeus restores the sceptre to the birds and gives you Basileia(1) in marriage.
f(1) i.e. the 'supremacy' of Greece, the real object of the war.
PISTHETAERUS Who is this Basileia?
PROMETHEUS A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; all things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, calumnies, the public paymaster and the triobolus.
PISTHETAERUS Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god.
PROMETHEUS Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will be the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know my constant and habitual goodwill towards men.
PISTHETAERUS Oh, yes! 'tis thanks to you that we roast our meat.(1)
f(1) Prometheus had stolen the fire from the gods to gratify mankind.
PROMETHEUS I hate the gods, as you know.
PISTHETAERUS Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them.
PROMETHEUS Towards them I am a veritable Timon;(1) but I must return in all haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up there, he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.(2)
f(1) A celebrated misanthrope, contemporary to Aristophanes. Hating the society of men, he had only a single friend, Apimantus, to whom he was attached, because of their similarity of character; he also liked Alcibiades, because he foresaw that this young man would be the ruin of his country.
f(2) The Canephori were young maidens, chosen from the first families of the city, who carried baskets wreathed with myrtle at the feast of Athene, while at those of Bacchus and Demeter they appeared with gilded baskets.—The daughters of 'Metics,' or resident aliens, walked behind them, carrying an umbrella and a stool.
PISTHETAERUS Wait, take this stool as well.
CHORUS Near by the land of the Sciapodes(1) there is a marsh, from the borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men. Pisander(2) came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel,(3) slit his throat and, following the example of Ulysses, stepped one pace backwards.(4) Then that bat of a Chaerephon(5) came up from hell to drink the camel's blood.
f(1) According to Ctesias, the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt on the borders of the Atlantic. Their feet were larger than the rest of their bodies, and to shield themselves from the sun's rays they held up one of their feet as an umbrella.—By giving the Socratic philosophers the name of Sciapodes here Aristophanes wishes to convey that they are walking in the dark and busying themselves with the greatest nonsense.
f(2) This Pisander was a notorious coward; for this reason the poet jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul, the seat of courage.
f(3) Considering the shape and height of the camel, (it) can certainly not be included in the list of SMALL victims, e.g. the sheep and the goat.
f(4) In the evocation of the dead, XI of the Odyssey.
f(5) Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier in this comedy.—Aristophanes supposes him to have come from hell because he is lean and pallid.
POSIDON(1) This is the city of Nephelococcygia, Cloud-cuckoo-town, whither we come as ambassadors. (TO TRIBALLUS) Hi! what are you up to? you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick over the right! And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion? Have you ulcers to hide like Laespodias?(2) Oh! democracy!(3) whither, oh! whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such an envoy?
f(1) Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and a Triballian god.
f(2) An Athenian general.—Neptune is trying to give Triballus some notions of elegance and good behaviour.
f(3) Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus as it is in Athens.
TRIBALLUS Leave me alone.
POSIDON Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all the gods.—Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do?
HERACLES I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who has dared to block us in.
POSIDON But, my friend, we are envoys of peace.
HERACLES All the more reason why I wish to strangle him.
PISTHETAERUS Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass me the cheese and watch the coals.(1)
f(1) He is addressing his servant, Manes.
HERACLES Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.
PISTHETAERUS Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.
HERACLES What are these meats?(1)
f(1) Heracles softens at sight of the food.—Heracles is the glutton of the comic poets.
PISTHETAERUS These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking the people's friends.
HERACLES And you are seasoning them before answering us?
PISTHETAERUS Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter?(1)
f(1) He pretends not to have seen them at first, being so much engaged with his cookery.
HERACLES The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace.
A SERVANT There's no more oil in the flask.
PISTHETAERUS And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it.(1)
f(1) He pretends to forget the presence of the ambassadors.
HERACLES We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we are armed with plenary authority.
PISTHETAERUS We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his sceptre to the birds. If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner.
HERACLES That's good enough for me. I vote for peace.
POSIDON You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you want to dethrone your own father?
PISTHETAERUS What an error! Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.
POSIDON Well thought of, by Posidon!(1)
f(1) Posidon jestingly swears by himself.
HERACLES My notion too.
PISTHETAERUS (TO THE TRIBALLIAN) And you, what's your opinion?
TRIBALLUS Nabaisatreu.(1)
f(1) The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus interprets into consent.
PISTHETAERUS D'you see? he also approves. But hear another thing in which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god, and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess.
POSIDON Ah! ah! and how?
PISTHETAERUS While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god.
HERACLES I vote for restoring them the sceptre.
POSIDON Ask the Triballian.
HERACLES Hi Triballian, do you want a thrashing?
TRIBALLUS Saunaka baktarikrousa.
HERACLES He says, "Right willingly."
POSIDON If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too.
HERACLES Very well! we accord the sceptre.
PISTHETAERUS Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave Here to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.
POSIDON Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw.
PISTHETAERUS It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy.
HERACLES What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to? Are we going to war about a woman?
POSIDON What else is there to do?
HERACLES What else? Why, conclude peace.
POSIDON Oh! you ninny! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are seeking your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded them the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all the wealth he will leave behind.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I may have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my poor friend.(1) The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.
f(1) Heracles, the god of strength, was far from being remarkable in the way of cleverness.
HERACLES I a bastard! What's that you tell me?
PISTHETAERUS Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman? Besides, is not Athene recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter would be that, if she had a legitimate brother.
HERACLES But what if my father wished to give me his property on his death-bed, even though I be a bastard?
PISTHETAERUS The law forbids it, and this same Posidon would be the first to lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate brother. Listen; thus runs Solon's law: "A bastard shall not inherit, if there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate children, the property shall pass to the nearest kin."(1)
f(1) This was Athenian law.
HERACLES And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property?
PISTHETAERUS Absolutely nothing. But tell me, has your father had you entered on the registers of his phratria?(1)
f(1) The poet attributes to the gods the same customs as those which governed Athens, and according to which no child was looked upon as legitimate unless his father had entered him on the registers of his phratria. The phratria was a division of the tribe and consisted of thirty families.
HERACLES No, and I have long been surprised at the omission.
PISTHETAERUS What ails you, that you should shake your fist at heaven? Do you want to fight it? Why, be on my side, I will make you a king and will feed you on bird's milk and honey.
HERACLES Your further condition seems fair to me. I cede you the young damsel.
POSIDON But I, I vote against this opinion.
PISTHETAERUS Then it all depends on the Triballian. (TO THE TRIBALLIAN.) What do you say?
TRIBALLUS Big bird give daughter pretty and queen.
HERACLES You say that you give her?
POSIDON Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, that he gives her; else I cannot understand any better than the swallows.
PISTHETAERUS Exactly so. Does he not say she must be given to the swallows?
POSIDON Very well! you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you wish it so; I'll hold my tongue.
HERACLES We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask. But come up there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty.
PISTHETAERUS Here are birds already cut up, and very suitable for a nuptial feast.
HERACLES You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them.
PISTHETAERUS You to roast them! you are too much the glutton; come along with us.
HERACLES Ah! how well I would have treated myself!
PISTHETAERUS Let some(one) bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the wedding.
CHORUS(1) At Phanae,(2) near the Clepsydra,(3) there dwells a people who have neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors,(4) who reap, sow, pluck the vines and the figs(5) with their tongues; they belong to a barbaric race, and among them the Philippi and the Gorgiases(6) are to be found; 'tis these Englottogastorian Philippi who introduced the custom all over Attica of cutting out the tongue separately at sacrifices.(7)
f(1) The chorus continues to tell what it has seen on its flights.
f(2) The harbour of the island of Chios; but this name is here used in the sense of being the land of informers ((from the Greek for) 'to denounce').
f(3) i.e. near the orators' platform, in the Public Assembly, or because there stood the water-clock, by which speeches were limited.
f(4) A coined name, made up of (the Greek for) the tongue, and (for) the stomach, and meaning those who fill their stomach with what they gain with their tongues, to wit, the orators.
f(5) (The Greek for) a fig forms part of the word which in Greek means an informer.
f(6) Both rhetoricians.
f(7) Because they consecrated it specially to the god of eloquence.
A MESSENGER Oh, you, whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in words, thrice happy race of airy birds, receive your king in your fortunate dwellings. More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes the earth, he is approaching his glittering golden palace; the sun itself does not shine with more dazzling glory. He is entering with his bride at his side,(1) whose beauty no human tongue can express; in his hand he brandishes the lightning, the winged shaft of Zeus; perfumes of unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realms. 'Tis a glorious spectacle to see the clouds of incense wafting in light whirlwinds before the breath of the Zephyr! But here he is himself. Divine Muse! let thy sacred lips begin with songs of happy omen.
f(1) Basileia, whom he brings back from heaven.
CHORUS Fall back! to the right! to the left! advance!(1) Fly around this happy mortal, whom Fortune l with her blessings. Oh! oh! what grace! what beauty! Oh, marriage so auspicious for our city! All honour to this man! 'tis through him that the birds are called to such glorious destinies. Let your nuptial hymns, your nuptial songs, greet him and his Basileia! 'Twas in the midst of such festivities that the Fates formerly united Olympian Here to the King who governs the gods from the summit of his inaccessible throne. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros with the golden wings held the reins and guided the chariot; 'twas he, who presided over the union of Zeus and the fortunate Here. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
f(1) Terms used in regulating a dance.
PISTHETAERUS I am delighted with your songs, I applaud your verses. Now celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth, the flaming lightning of Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt.
CHORUS Oh, thou golden flash of the lightning! oh, ye divine shafts of flame, that Zeus has hitherto shot forth! Oh, ye rolling thunders, that bring down the rain! 'Tis by the order of OUR king that ye shall now stagger the earth! Oh, Hymen! 'tis through thee that he commands the universe and that he makes Basileia, whom he has robbed from Zeus, take her seat at his side. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
PISTHETAERUS Let all the winged tribes of our fellow-citizens follow the bridal couple to the palace of Zeus(1) and to the nuptial couch! Stretch forth your hands, my dear wife! Take hold of me by my wings and let us dance; I am going to lift you up and carry you through the air.
f(1) Where Pisthetaerus is henceforth to reign.
CHORUS Oh, joy! Io Paean! Tralala! victory is thing, oh, thou greatest of the gods!
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