"I AM fifteen to-day—fifteen," and the speaker rose from her seat near the table and walked to the window that opened upon a pleasant old-fashioned garden. "Mr. Rose said on Sunday that we ought early to form a plan for our life work, and I have formed mine—I mean to be a missionary to the heathen."
At this point she was interrupted by a knock at the door, and the next minute the housemaid appeared.
"If you please, Miss Mabel, your mamma wishes you to begin your music practice now."
"Oh, very well, I'm coming, Ann," said the young lady petulantly. But she turned to the window again and went on talking to herself. "How very tiresome it is of mamma to want me to keep on with these lessons! I am almost a woman now, and of what use will music and German be to me by and by? I don't mean to live a frivolous fashionable life. I mean to be of some use in the world, and I must tell mamma to-day that I have promised to help Mrs. Rose with the work among the poor."
But now there came another interruption, and her sister Mary, a lively girl about twelve years old, bounced into the room, without the ceremony of knocking at the door.
"Now, Mary, go out; this is my room. You know mamma gave it to me to be my own, and you are only to come in when you are invited."
"Humph!" exclaimed Mary, standing still and surveying the whole. "I should call it a den, or an old curiosity shop, or a lumber-room."
In truth, the furniture had, for the most part, been rescued from the lumber-room, and either repaired or their defects cleverly hidden with chintz draperies. Many a happy hour had Mabel and her mother spent in making this little garden-room, as it was called, habitable and pleasant—a place where Mabel could prepare her lessons, free from the distraction of the children or the interruption of callers. This had been Mrs. Randolph's object in giving her elder daughter a room to herself on her fifteenth birthday. But while Mabel tacitly agreed to this, she was thinking that the time for lessons was almost over, and the garden-room would be a place where she could shut herself up and follow her own devices, apart from the rest of the family.
"Now, Mary, do go!" exclaimed Mabel, who was determined to put a stop to these incursions from her sister.
"But mamma sent me," retorted Mary, inquisitively lifting the cover of a cosy-looking chair. "I thought so," she added the next minute, "mamma's old rocking-chair."
"Now, Mary, will you go?" repeated Mabel.
"But mamma sent me to fetch you to practise."
"I told Ann I was coming, and that was sufficient," replied Mabel haughtily. And she walked towards the door, but took care that Mary should go out first.
"Mamma, I do think you might let me have an hour to myself in my own room and on my birthday, too," exclaimed Mabel in an aggrieved tone, as she entered the dining-room where Mrs. Randolph was sitting busy at work.
"My dear Mabel, do you know the time? It is a quarter to twelve, and you have been undisturbed in your room since breakfast-time. Have you finished that German exercise, dear?" she added.
"No, mamma. I have been thinking it is mere waste of time for me to go on learning German. I don't mean to be a frivolous, fashionable young lady."
"I hope not, indeed, Mabel," said her mother quietly.
"Then what is the use of my spending so much time over the music now? I can play pretty well, and that is enough, I think."
"But your father is fond of music, dear, and is particularly anxious that you and Mary should both be good German scholars. It may be useful to you by and by, he thinks."
"Not to me, mamma," said Mabel decidedly. "If it was Chinese, or some other heathen language, it might be. For I have quite made up my mind to be a missionary."
Mrs. Randolph smiled.
"My dear, the question of your being a missionary can be left for the present, I think. The duty lying nearest to us is the one God asks us to perform, and—"
"Yes, mamma, I have been thinking of that too," said Mabel impetuously. "I have been thinking it all over this morning sitting in my dear little room. And as I have promised Mrs. Rose to help her in her work among the poor in that new district near the church, I might as well begin at once with the work that is nearest."
"But, my dear, is that work the nearest?" asked her mother seriously.
"What! Having a tract district, and teaching a Sunday-school class, and helping at the Dorcas meeting close to my own home? Surely, mamma, that work lies nearest, and will be a good preparation for a missionary life?"
"But what of the duties at home? I have been thinking, Mabel, that, now you are fifteen, you might take some share in the housekeeping. You might go to cook for an hour's instruction every morning. It is not every one I could trust you to learn under, but cook is an old and faithful servant, and could teach you as well as I could."
But Mabel did not look at all pleased at this proposal.
"What with kitchen work and German, I should not have a minute to myself," she said. "Oh, mamma, I really do want to serve God now!" she said earnestly, her eyes filling with tears.
"My dear, you seem to think that everyday duties lie altogether outside the service of God. But it is in the spirit in which these are done, much more than in the quantity of other work, that the service of God consists. But, of course, if you have promised to help Mrs. Rose you must do so, only do not undertake too much."
At this point Mrs. Randolph was called away, and Mabel went to practise her much-despised music lesson. She got through it as quickly as she could, and then, without waiting to see her mother again, hurried out to keep her appointment with Mrs. Rose.
The minister's wife had too often to deplore the unwillingness of young ladies to employ their leisure in any useful occupation, not to receive with readiness Mabel's proffered help. And so before she returned home, she had engaged to take a junior class in the Sunday-school, visit a poor district and distribute tracts, and work for the Dorcas society, although it was with the greatest difficulty her mother could induce her to help with the needlework at home. In truth, Mrs. Randolph did not look very pleased when she heard how much her daughter had undertaken, but she only said quietly:
"My dear Mabel, I hope you will remember that your father wishes you to continue your lessons for the present."
"I shall not forget, mamma. You shall not have to complain that I neglect my home duties," said Mabel stiffly.
In spite of what her mother had said in the morning, she expected her news would have been received with the warmest approval, and she was hurt and disappointed that her mother looked so coldly upon her scheme of usefulness. She retired to her own room feeling very much ill-used, and talked to herself about home persecution until she was summoned to tea.
After tea, a few friends came to spend the evening with her. But altogether it was a disappointing birthday, and she had looked forward to it with so much eagerness. For she had determined that it should be the beginning of a new life to her, and here she was thwarted and hindered at the very outset, just where she expected to receive the most help, too.
These were Mabel's thoughts when she awoke the next morning, but she resolved to persevere. She would not be disheartened by the first difficulty. She would commence her district work that very day. And when her mother saw that she was thoroughly in earnest, she would no longer disapprove of her plans.
Mabel had her own views about district visiting, as she had about most other things, and after breakfast, instead of going to her own sitting-room, she turned out an old dress from her wardrobe that had not seen the light of day for nearly a year. It was a gray that had not worn well as to colour, for it was faded to a yellow in some places and a dull green in others. But Mabel had decided the previous day that this was just the dress for visiting among the poor. And although she looked rather rueful at its creased and tumbled appearance, she would not give it up. An old jacket of another colour, and her garden hat, completed her costume. And Mabel thought, with pride, that no one could accuse her of a love of finery, or that she taught her poor people to dress above their station.
Armed with a bundle of tracts and a note- Mabel set forth. And nurse, catching a glimpse of her at the back as she left the door, thought the laundress had sent a message about the washing.
"It was not Miss Mabel I saw," she remarked when the housemaid told her that no message had come from the laundress, but that Miss Mabel had gone out.
At dinner-time, however, Mr. Randolph asked rather sharply where Mabel had gone to in that masquerade dress, for he had caught a glimpse of her going through the town, and it annoyed him exceedingly.
"It will set everybody talking about us, and discussing our affairs, and I begged you to do nothing that could bring our name before the public," he said to his wife in a tone of anger.
He was worried and anxious about business matters, or he would not have spoken so irritably, or have fancied that such a trifle could awaken people's attention to their concerns.
Mabel, too, came in cross and out of humour. The people in Fisher's Rents had not overwhelmed her with gratitude, and some had even refused to look at her tracts. And so when her father scolded her for disgracing him by walking through the town like a beggar girl, she felt she was greatly ill-used and misunderstood.
Poor Mabel! She was to be pitied, for she had done it all with the best of motives, and had only received angry looks and hard words for her pains. Her mother sympathized with her in spite of the vexation she felt, and after dinner said a few comforting words to her, at the same time pointing out that she must not wear the obnoxious dress again, and that she was afraid she had undertaken too much work for her strength.
"Go and rest in your own room for half an hour, and then come and practise the duet with Mary," said Mrs. Randolph as she left her.
And Mabel went to her room to recall again the vexatious events of the morning, until she was summoned by Mary to take her place at the piano.
"It really is very tiresome that mamma should fix upon this duet," she said in a complaining tone. But recalling her promise and resolution that none of her home duties should be neglected, she went with her sister without further grumbling.
But as the weeks went on, she forgot her promise about these home duties, shut herself up more and more in her own room, or went out to visit her district, but never had time to help the children with their lessons, sew on a button, or mend a glove when she was asked. Her temper too had not improved. She had grown sharp and querulous under the strain, and at last she began to see this herself, and had resolved to alter it.
She woke up one morning with the full determination of being less snappish to everybody, and went to the nursery to warm her hands before going down-stairs full of amiable feelings.
But unfortunately the nursery fire had not burned up, and Mabel made some remark about this.
Turning sharply round, nurse said, "Don't come here finding fault, Miss Mabel. If you worry your poor mamma to death, you shall not worry me, so please leave the nursery."
"I shall not leave the nursery. What do you mean, nurse, by saying I worry mamma?" she angrily demanded.
"Because I see my poor mistress fretted and worried and ill for want of a little help that you could and ought to give her. And yet you go out day after day seeking your own pleasure, when you ought to be at home."
"I am not seeking my own pleasure, nurse. You know that, and mamma knows it too," retorted Mabel.
"I don't know. You go to please yourself. I know that for I heard your mamma ask you yesterday to stay and help Miss Mary with her music, but you would persist in going out."
"I was obliged to go," she said. But she would not condescend to make any further explanations, but walked angrily down-stairs.
"Mamma, what do you mean by saying I worry you to death?" she said as she entered the breakfast-room.
Her father had come in behind her, just in time to hear the question. And without giving Mrs. Randolph time to reply, he ordered Mabel to leave the room for speaking to her mother in such a disrespectful manner.
In truth Mabel was heartily ashamed of herself the moment the words were spoken, and she burst into tears and went to her room crying bitterly.
"Was there ever such a miserable girl!" she sobbed, sitting down at the table and coveting her face with her hands.
In a few minutes, her breakfast was brought by the housemaid, but Mabel did not want any this morning. She pushed the tray aside as soon as the servant had gone, and once more buried her face in her hands.
"What am I to do?" she sobbed. "I do want to serve God, and make sure that I am a Christian indeed, and not in name only. I am sure I am in earnest, and yet nothing but trouble seems to follow what I do. And then the work is not so pleasant as I expected to find it. The girls in my Sunday class are often tiresome and disobedient, and people take my tracts as though they did not care whether they had them or not. And I never did like needlework, so that the sewing class and the Dorcas garments I bring home to finish are often a real trouble to me. I think I shall have to give it all up."
And then Mabel lifted her head, and the fragrance of the coffee proved too strong a temptation to be resisted any longer, and to her own vexation she found that she could eat her breakfast after all.
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