Every Man in His Humour
SCENE II.—-The Lane before COB'S House.

Ben Jonson

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Enter COB

Cob. [knocks at the door.] What, Tib! Tib, I say!

Tib. [within.] How now, what cuckold is that knocks so hard?

Enter Tib.

O, husband! is it you? What's the news?

Cob. Nay, you have stunn'd me, i'faith; you have, given me a

knock O' the forehead will stick by me. Cuckold! 'Slid, cuckold!

Tib. Away, you fool! did I know it was you that knocked?

Come, come, you may call me as bad when you list.

Cob. May I? Tib, you are a whore.

Tib. You lie in your throat, husband.

Cob. How, the lie! and in my throat tool do you long to be

stabb'd, ha?

Tib. Why, you are no soldier, I hope.

Cob. O, must you be stabbed by a soldier? Mass, that's true! when

was Bobadill here, your captain? that rogue, that foist, that

fencing Burgullion? I'll tickle him, i'faith.

Tib. Why, what's the matter, trow?

Cob. O, he has basted me rarely, sumptuously! but I have it here in

black and white, [pulls out the warrant.] for his black and blue

shall pay him. O, the justice, the honestest old brave Trojan in

London; I do honour the very flea of his dog. A plague on him,

though, he put me once in a villanous filthy fear; marry, it

vanished away like the smoke of tobacco; but I was smoked soundly

first. I thank the devil, and his good angel, my guest. Well, wife,

or Tib, which you will, get you in, and lock the door; I charge you

let nobody in to you, wife; nobody in to you; those are my words:

not Captain Bob himself, nor the fiend in his likeness. You are a

woman, you have flesh and blood enough in you to be tempted;

therefore keep the door shut upon all comers.

Tib. I warrant you, there shall nobody enter here without my

consent.

Cob. Nor with your consent, sweet Tib; and so I leave you.

Tib. It's more than you know, whether you leave me so.

Cob. How?

Tib. Why, sweet.

Cob.

Tut, sweet or sour, thou art a flower.

Keep close thy door, I ask no more.

[Exeunt.

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