the Cross
The Servant.--Now then, cheer up thou soul of mine! Collect thyself
entirely from all exterior things into the calm silence of thy interior,
that so thou mayest break away, and wander at large, and run wild in the
rugged wilderness of an unfathomable sorrow of heart, up to the high rock of
misery, now contemplated; and mayest cry aloud from the depths of thy sad
and languishing heart, till it resound over hill and valley throughout the
sky, and pierce even to heaven before all the heavenly host; and speak with
thy lamentable voice thus: Alas, ye living rocks, ye savage beasts, ye sunny
meads! who will give me the burning fire of my full heart, and the scalding
water of my sorrowful tears, to wake you up, that ye may help me to bewail
the unfathomable heartrending woe which my poor heart so secretly suffers?
Me had my heavenly Father adorned above all living creatures, and elected to
be His own tender and blessed spouse. And lo, I have fled from Him! Woe is
me! I have lost the beloved of my choice, my only one! Woe on my wretched
heart! forever woe! What have I done, what have I lost! I have fled from
myself, all the host of heaven, all that could give me joy and delight, have
fled from me! I sit forsaken, for my false lovers were deceivers. O misery
and death! How falsely and miserably have ye not forsaken me, how despoiled
me of all the good with which my only love had arrayed me! Alas honour! alas
joy! alas all consolation! how am I utterly robbed of you! Whither shall I
turn myself? The entire world has forsaken me, because I have forsaken my
only love. Wretched me! when I did so what a lamentable hour it was! Behold
in me a late daisy, behold in me a sloe thorn, all ye red roses, ye white
lilies! take notice how very quickly that flower withers, fades, and dies,
which this world gathers! For I must always thus living, die; thus blooming,
fade; thus youthful, grow old; thus healthy, sicken. And yet, tender Lord,
all that I suffer is of small account compared to my having made wroth Thy
fatherly countenance; for this is to me a hell and a grief above all grief.
Alas, that Thou shouldst have been so graciously kind, that Thou shouldst
have warned me so tenderly, and drawn me so affectionately, and that I
should have so utterly despised it all! O heart of man! what canst thou not
endure! As hard as steel must thou be not to burst utterly with woe. True, I
was once called His beloved spouse: woe is me! I am not now worthy to be
called His poor handmaid. Nevermore, for bitter shame, may I raise my eyes.
Henceforth in joy and sorrow my mouth to Him must be dumb. O how narrow for
me is this wide world! O God, were I but in a wild forest, where no one
might hear or see me, but where I could cry aloud to my heart's desire, to
the relief of my poor heart; for other consolation I have none! O sin, to
what a pass has thou brought me! Woe to thee, thou false world! woe to him
that serves thee! How hast thou rewarded me, seeing that I am a burthen to
myself and thee, and ever must be. Hail, all hail to you, ye rich queens! ye
rich souls, who, by the misfortunes of others, have become wise; who have
continued in your first innocence of body and mind; how unwittingly blessed
ye are! O pure conscience! O free and single heart! how ignorant are ye of
the state of a heart oppressed and sorrowful through sin! Ah me, poor
spouse, how happy was I with my Beloved, and how little did I know it! Who
will give me the breadth of the heavens for parchment, the depth of the sea
for ink, leaves and grass for pens, that I may write fully out my desolation
of soul, and the irreparable calamity which my woeful separation from my
Beloved has brought upon me! Alas that ever I was born! What is left but for
me to cast myself into the abyss of despair?
Eternal Wisdom.--Thou must not despair. Did I not come into the world
for the sake of thee and all sinners, that I might lead thee back to My
Father in such beauty, brightness, and purity, as otherwise thou never
couldst have acquired?
The Servant.--O what is that which sounds so sweetly in a dead and
outcast soul?
Eternal Wisdom.--Dost thou not know Me? What! art thou fallen so low,
or hast thou lost thy senses, because of thy great trouble, my tender child?
And yet it is I, the all-merciful Wisdom, I Who have opened wide the abyss
of infinite mercy, which is, however, hidden from all the saints, to receive
thee and all penitent hearts. It is I, the sweet Eternal Wisdom, who became
wretched and poor that I might guide thee back again to thy dignity. It is
I, Who suffered bitter death that I might bring thee again to life. Lo, here
I am, pale, bloody, affectionate, as when suspended between thee and the
severe judgment of My Father, on the lofty gibbet of the cross. It is I, thy
brother. Behold, it is I, thy bridegroom! Everything that thou ever didst
against Me will I wholly forget, as though it had never happened, provided
only that thou return to Me, and never quit Me more. Wash thyself in My
precious blood, lift up thy head, open thy eyes, and be of good cheer.
Receive as a token of entire peace and complete expiation My wedding ring on
thy hand, receive thy first robe, shoes on thy feet, and the fond name of My
bride for ever! Lo, I have garnered thee up with such bitter toil!
Therefore, if the whole world were a consuming fire, and there lay in the
midst of it a handful of flax, it would not, from its very nature, be so
susceptible of the burning flame as the abyss of My mercy is ready to pardon
a repentant sinner, and blot out his sins.
The Servant.--O my Father! O my Brother! O all that can ravish my
heart! And wilt Thou still be gracious to my offending soul? O what
goodness, what unfathomable compassion! For this will I fall prostrate at
Thy feet, O heavenly Father! and thank Thee from the bottom of my heart, and
beg of Thee to look on Thy only-begotten Son, whom, out of love Thou gavest
to bitter death, and to forget my grievous misdeeds. Remember, heavenly
Father, how Thou didst swear of old to Noah, and didst say: I will stretch
My bow in the sky; I will look upon it, and it shall be a sign of
reconciliation between Me and the earth. O look now upon it, tender Father,
how cruelly stretched out it is, so that its bones and ribs can be numbered;
look how red, how green, how yellow, love has made it! Look, O heavenly
Father, through the hands, the arms, and the feet, so woefully distended, of
Thy tender and only-begotten Son. Look at His beautiful body, all rose
colour with wounds, and forget Thy anger against me. Remember that Thou art
only called the Lord of Mercy, the Father of Mercy, because Thou forgivest.
Such is Thy name. To whom did Thou give Thy best-beloved Son? To sinners.
Lord, he is Mine! Lord, he is ours! This very day will I enclose myself with
His bare extended arms in a loving embrace in the bottom of my heart and
soul, and living or dead will never more be separated from Him. Therefore,
do Him honour today in me, and graciously forget that wherein I may have
angered Thee. For, methinks it were easier for me to suffer death than ever
to anger Thee, my heavenly Father, again. Neither afflictions nor
oppressions, neither hell nor purgatory, are such causes of lamentation to
my heart, as that I ever should have angered and dishonoured Thee, my
Creator, my Lord, my God, my Saviour, the joy and delight of my heart. Oh,
if for this I could give voice to my grief of soul, through all the heavens,
till my heart should burst into a thousand pieces, how gladly would I do it!
And the more entirely Thou forgivest my evil deeds, so much the greater is
my sorrow of heart at having been so ungrateful in return for thy great
goodness. And Thou, my only consolation, Thou my tender elected one, Eternal
Wisdom! how can I ever make Thee a complete and proper return of thanks for
having at so dear a rate healed and reconciled with Thy pangs and wounds the
breach which all created beings could not have made good? And, therefore, my
eternal joy, teach me how to bear Thy wounds and love-marks on my entire
body, and how to have them at all times in my keeping, so that all this
world, and all the heavenly host, may see that I am grateful for the
infinite good which, out of Thy unfathomable goodness alone, Thou hast
bestowed on my lost soul.
Eternal Wisdom.--Thou shouldst give thyself and all that is thine to Me
cheerfully, and never take them back. All that is not of absolute necessity
to thee shouldst thou leave untouched; then will thy hands be truly nailed
to My cross. Thou shouldst cheerfully set about good works and persevere in
them; then will thy left foot be made fast. Thy inconstant mind and
wandering thoughts shouldst thou make constant and collected in Me; and thus
thy right foot will be nailed to My cross. Thy mental and bodily powers must
not seek rest in lukewarmness; in the likeness of My arms they should be
stretched out in My service. Thy sickly body must often, in honour of my
dislocated bones, be wearied out in spiritual exercises, and rendered
incapable of fulfilling its own desires. Many an unknown suffering must
strain thee to Me on the narrow bed of the cross, by which thou wilt become
lovely like Me, and of the colour of blood. The withering away of thy nature
must make Me blooming again; thy spontaneous hardships must be to My weary
back as a bed; thy resolute resistance to sin must relieve My spirit; thy
devout heart must soften My pains, and thy high flaming heart must kindle My
fervid heart.
The Servant.--Now, then, fulfill Thou my good wishes, according to Thy
highest praise, and according to Thy very best will; for indeed Thy yoke is
sweet, and Thy burthen light: this do all those know who have experienced
it, and who were once overladen with the heavy lof sin.
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